Job Description for Stay at Home Mom

IMMEDIATE OPENING: Full time ongoing caregiver needed for children. Currently only one 2 year-old girl, but be prepared for an addition to the family within the next 2 years.

DESCRIPTION: This position requires the creating and maintanence of a daily schedule for brilliant 2 year old girl which focuses on educational development. Special attention to be placed upon reading, numbers to be integrated into a variety of imaginative play, independent play, phsyical activity or a combination of such activities. This is the top priority of this position, however additional responsibilities must be prioritzed and fulfilled, including, but not limited to:

  1. Household cleaning and maintenance. Washing dishes, countertops, oven, tabletops, and stove. Dusting and cleaning in livingroom. Weekly vacuuming of carpeted areas. Bathroom cleaning. Bedroom maintenance including laundry for two adults and toddler.
  2. Financial management including bi-monthly bill payments, management of bank accounts, and savings plans with special attention paid towards saving money wherever possible. Possible tasks include mining internet for coupons, weekly coupon clipping from local newspaper.
  3. Planning, developing and preparing a daily menu which provides proper nutrion to your family. Not all offerings will be appreciated, and you may have to get working husband to eat his vegetables just as often as toddler.
  4. Grocery shopping as needed including major shopping trips every other week to replenish food stocks. This will likely be done with a screaming toddler in tow.
  5. Scheduling, management, and transportation to and from doctor’s visits including well-visits, sick visits, and vaccine management.
  6. Provide emotional support for tired working husband as needed.
  7. Any other task that cannot be completed by working husband since you are the person who is home during regular business hours.

COMPENSATION PACKAGE: This position does not have a monetary compensation package. Benefits may be provided by working husband should his employer offer such services. This is a 24 hour/day 7 day/week job. Possible time off may occur should free childcare services manifest themselves (benevolence from parents or other trusted caregivers), or should working husband have enough energy on a weeknight, or weekend day or evening to provide relief. This should neither be expected nor relied upon. There are no vacation days, nor are there sick days. Should the child be sick or somehow slips from routine, it is your responsibility to sacrifice your own sleeping hours in order to provide responsible adequate care. The only compensation available is the knowledge that you are appreciated, although this is not always expressed, and the unequivocal love of the child. Please note: This child will one day grow up and leave the home, and during her teenage years may use the following phrases: “I hate you”, “I wish I was never born”, “I wish *insert name here* was my mother” along with other spiteful angry phrases. You are to maintain your composure and not allow these words to effect your job performance.

This job requires an incredible amount of sacrifice. You are welcome to pursue your own career goals should you be able to find the time to do so without taking away from your primary job responsibilities. This is not a highly regarded profession, and may be regarded by your peers as “the easy life”. There will be an overwhelming majority of people who think you watch television all day and eat bon-bons. Despite the fact that most people have never seen a bon-bon, there is very little you can do to convince others that your work is equitable to the work load of any other jobs held outside the home. Your career will be put on hold until the children are of school years, and even then you will be required to be home with the children to do homework and work on projects, as well as deliver them to extra-curricular activities as needed.

SPECIAL SKILLS: Please have the following skills:

  1. The ability to remove pain or stress with a kiss.
  2. An instant knowledge on home remedies, and an aggregation of symptoms, treatments, and proper procedures for any and all illnesses or injuries.
  3. Patience.
  4. Endless energy even without sleep.
  5. A bottomless well of love.

SPECIAL CONSIDERATIONS: This job involves very little adult interaction. You may be tempted to overwhelm working husband with verbal vomit about dirty diapers, gossip, and interesting tidbits about laundry detergent, but this is not advised, as working husband has spent the entire day dealing with people and just wants a little peace and quiet. It is your responsibility to maintain your own sanity, as there is no one else around, and your primary objective is dependant upon it.

Please attach resume for consideration, as well as references to the skills and qualifications outlined within this job post.



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